Friday, March 2, 2012

Popcorn is the Devil

I've been pretty absent from twitter and most social stuff on the last couple of weeks. One of the reasons was due to some gnarly deadlines (which, by the way, I just finished one! Woo!) and the other reason was also that I hadn't been feeling well. Three or so weeks ago, I got a nasty cold, then immediately after that, I got a horrendous-just-punch-me-in-the-face-now toothache. That ended on Monday... and Tuesday, I'd started getting this pain in my stomach. Like an internal Charlie Horse that just would not die. I kind of shrugged the pain off, thinking God pretty much hated me at this point. What next? My leg would fall off or something?

So, let's go back to the deadline thing. I've been under deadlines for the last six months I think for one book or another, and I'm not the most healthiest eater when it comes to deadlines.

My dinner will consist of these things some nights:
5 Hour Energy

Yeah, I know it's not the dinner of champions, but it's kind of hard to eat when you're writing. At least, I'm not good at doing both. I usually drop food on the laptop, so...

By Wednesday morning, I could barely walk without going, "Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow." And I knew that something was wrong, like innately knew. I did the one thing I rarely ever do. I went to the doctor ER, told the check in nurse either it's something stupid or I'm having an appendicitis.

She just stared at me.


Then the oh-so friendly nurse took me back to my very own room, gestured at this gown thing, and left. I pick up said gown thing and frowned. There were no holes for the arms. I had no idea how to put it on. I spread it out across the bed, turn it upside down, around, and over but still, I have no idea how to put the thing on. Wanna know how long it took me? The doctor came in and still hadn't figured it out.

First words out of my mouth when I see the doctor? "Sorry. The gown is smarter than me."

He laughed.

I like doctor. 

Apparently, the nurse was supposed to put it together for me (there were buttons and such), but since she was Miss Personality, we know how that ended. He karate chops my stomach, asks how that feels, to which I tell him that hurts, and then he decides to do a CAT scan, mumbling on about something call divathdksndkmsnditis.

Me: 0_o

And when he wrote it on the CAT order, it apparently looked like dermatitis, to which everyone was like "Dermatitis? WHY do you need a CAT scan for DERMATITIS?

Me: I don't have dermatitis! Gah.

Very quickly, a nurse appears and whips me back to the CAT room... without iodine, which I was thrilled about. I don't like needles. And I don't like things being injected into me. But sadly, I was supposed to be prepped prior to going to the room with an IV for the iodine. Luckily, the tech knew how to do one, so he pulls out this needle he calls a 20 gauge.

Me: 0_0

I never had iodine before, so the really friendly CAT man preps me for it by saying. "The warmth will start at the back of the throat and rush through your body. You'll fell like you peed yourself."

Me: >_<

But he was right. And he was also pretty informative. Through the whole process, he talked about the things that could be wrong: twisted intestines, dead intestines, death, more death, dismemberment, death, and upset stomach.

Me. 0_0

After the CAT scan, I went through the whole "Let's check every possible thing on you, but don't use the same vein that there's an IV sticking out of already, because that would be too easy."  After a very, very, very long time, I got my diagnosis.

Me: @_@

Luckily, I went to the ER. Everything is pretty much going to be all good in the hood, so no worries, once I get to eat solid food again and don't have to ingest a crapton of antibiotics that say "Take with food." Are you kidding me? I can't eat food.

Me: sad face

Speaking of not eating food. When I got out of the hospital, I totally didn't read my care instructions, swung by the fast food joint, scarfed down a hamburger and fries like grease was going out of style, and THEN read my "No food for 3 days."

Me. 0_o

Liquid diets suck. I kid you not, I went to bed last night thinking about grilled cheese sandwiches and woke up wanting an Outback Steak. Ugh. I've never wanted food more in my life. Like right now, all the damn food commercials on TV are killing me. KILLING ME!

But anyway, to the moral of the story. A diet of those things above are pretty much a recipe for disaster and potentially major organ failure, deadlines or not.
 In recap, I've learned three things this week:

1. Popcorn is the devil
2. Your body does tell you when something is wrong. Listen to it.
3. An all liquid diet sucks monkey butt

And in closing, some bookish stuff:

1. I have a lot of 1st edition Pure copies that I'm going to hold a contest for. At this point, I'm not sure if these contests will be international. Mainly because shipping is insanely expensive, I can't do prepaid priority envelopes, and so many packages are getting lost due to address format errors. 

2. Speaking of which, when you do win a contest and I usually ship out prize w/in a week, if it is lost, I will NOT resend. I say this on the contests, and in some cases, I may resend, but guys, I can't keep resending stuff out. Come to find out, a few times people claimed they didn't receive something, they did. Also, the prizes are free to you, but not to me. So keep in mind, if something gets lost, it's sad but I will not resend. 

3. I'm going to have a special Onyx preorder swag package them coming soon. It will contain swag from the series that won't be available anywhere else, so keep an eye out for that. 

4. A lot of people have been asking about additional Onyx content like Daemon POV. At this time, and this may change, there is no plans for additional content. Also, the additional content in each version of Obsidian (old one and re-release) will only be available in those editions. Eventually, some time down the road, they'll be added to my website. 

5. And if you've read this far, congrats! I think, don't hold me to it, that Fresh Fiction will have interview with me on the blog tomorrow AND a Onyx teaser you don't want to miss. 


  1. I hope you get better soon Jen :S
    I made it till the end!!!

    Take care xoxo

  2. hihi that was funny :D I am glad you're feeling better :) I hope the liquid diet thing will pass fast :) ;)

  3. I'm sooo sorry you had such horrible experience at ER. ER can be very...ummm.. experience. But I'm glad that there is light at the end of tunnel.

    Hang in there, pain free zone isn't too far away :)

    P.S. I'm super duper kazuper excited for Pure to come out along with Onyx and Deity and..well you get the idea :).

  4. awwww that so sucks!!! ahaha and sadly i know what you got by your jumpbled mess of words!! how good of a nurse am i!!!! that can be on sucky sucky diagnosis!!! im glad everything is better!!!!


  5. I think that was the most entertaining ER story ever lol. I'm glad that you found out what was wrong and that you're feeling better! Just think, once you get done with the no food rule, you can go out and get you something yummy (but probably not energy drinks or popcorn) to eat! Feel better soon!

  6. I'm glad you're okay. Get well! ER can be really scary.... especially when you don't know what the doctors are talking about.

    PS: I'll be waiting for the Onyx pre-order swag package :)

  7. Diets suck period. An only liquids one must be tons worse. Blach! Hope you feel better and can't wait for that Onyx teaser!

  8. I hope you feel better soon. That sucks that you haven't been well, and especially the stomach thing.

  9. Ok I want to feel bad for you but I'm still rolling around laughing too hard about the hospital gown! This is why I love your writing - it so reflects YOU - which I love!

    Sorry I was bugging you today - hadn't read this post.

    Feel better girl!


  10. Ha ha. ER visits are the funnest, huh?

    I was sitting in the waiting room and some guy came in through the sliding glass doors naked. I saw EVERYTHING! He didn't try to cover anything up but why would he when he was in so much pain. Apparently, from the blood train on the floor he had been seriously hurt, though I didn't see where. Another guy came in right after him. They had come together. He was hissing and moaning. He kept saying, "It's bitin'! It's bitin'!" I thought there was some kind of critter attached to him or something like a rabid squirrel, I don't know. They wheeled him out a wheelchair but he couldn't sit. Turns out he had been shot in his butt and the first guy had been shot in his abdomen. Apparently, his clothes were irritating the wound. That's the only reason I figured he would waltz in naked or maybe he didn't want to ruin his wardrobe. I don't know. I was sitting next to my Dad the whole time. It was beyond awkward. I found out later that the were in a home invasion. :/

  11. Although I snorted out loud at all your inserted facial expressions, I'm sorry you've been ill and hope you get better and back on real food soon. :o)

    Oh, and I also really hope you are able to make the giveaways international (coz I'm in the UK and all).

  12. will the swag package for onyx also be avalible in ebook?

  13.'ve had one hell of a week huh. And you sound like me with the gown thingy and the needles. Sucks that you went through that but glad that you're getting better. No more popcorn for dinner...oatmeal or something instead. Can't wait for Onyx. Hopefully you'll be out of your cave soon we miss you. <3

  14. That's a rotten week! I hope you're feeling better soon!

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