Popcorn is the Devil

I've been pretty absent from twitter and most social stuff on the last couple of weeks. One of the reasons was due to some gnarly deadlines (which, by the way, I just finished one! Woo!) and the other reason was also that I hadn't been feeling well. Three or so weeks ago, I got a nasty cold, then immediately after that, I got a horrendous-just-punch-me-in-the-face-now toothache. That ended on Monday... and Tuesday, I'd started getting this pain in my stomach. Like an internal Charlie Horse that just would not die. I kind of shrugged the pain off, thinking God pretty much hated me at this point. What next? My leg would fall off or something?

So, let's go back to the deadline thing. I've been under deadlines for the last six months I think for one book or another, and I'm not the most healthiest eater when it comes to deadlines.

My dinner will consist of these things some nights:
Coffee
5 Hour Energy
Popcorn

Yeah, I know it's not the dinner of champions, but it's kind of hard to eat when you're writing. At least, I'm not good at doing both. I usually drop food on the laptop, so...


By Wednesday morning, I could barely walk without going, "Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow." And I knew that something was wrong, like innately knew. I did the one thing I rarely ever do. I went to the doctor ER, told the check in nurse either it's something stupid or I'm having an appendicitis.

She just stared at me.

Whatevas.

Then the oh-so friendly nurse took me back to my very own room, gestured at this gown thing, and left. I pick up said gown thing and frowned. There were no holes for the arms. I had no idea how to put it on. I spread it out across the bed, turn it upside down, around, and over but still, I have no idea how to put the thing on. Wanna know how long it took me? The doctor came in and still hadn't figured it out.

First words out of my mouth when I see the doctor? "Sorry. The gown is smarter than me."

He laughed.

I like doctor. 

Apparently, the nurse was supposed to put it together for me (there were buttons and such), but since she was Miss Personality, we know how that ended. He karate chops my stomach, asks how that feels, to which I tell him that hurts, and then he decides to do a CAT scan, mumbling on about something call divathdksndkmsnditis.

Me: 0_o

And when he wrote it on the CAT order, it apparently looked like dermatitis, to which everyone was like "Dermatitis? WHY do you need a CAT scan for DERMATITIS?

Me: I don't have dermatitis! Gah.

Very quickly, a nurse appears and whips me back to the CAT room... without iodine, which I was thrilled about. I don't like needles. And I don't like things being injected into me. But sadly, I was supposed to be prepped prior to going to the room with an IV for the iodine. Luckily, the tech knew how to do one, so he pulls out this needle he calls a 20 gauge.

Me: 0_0

I never had iodine before, so the really friendly CAT man preps me for it by saying. "The warmth will start at the back of the throat and rush through your body. You'll fell like you peed yourself."

Me: >_<

But he was right. And he was also pretty informative. Through the whole process, he talked about the things that could be wrong: twisted intestines, dead intestines, death, more death, dismemberment, death, and upset stomach.

Me. 0_0

After the CAT scan, I went through the whole "Let's check every possible thing on you, but don't use the same vein that there's an IV sticking out of already, because that would be too easy."  After a very, very, very long time, I got my diagnosis.

Me: @_@

Luckily, I went to the ER. Everything is pretty much going to be all good in the hood, so no worries, once I get to eat solid food again and don't have to ingest a crapton of antibiotics that say "Take with food." Are you kidding me? I can't eat food.

Me: sad face

Speaking of not eating food. When I got out of the hospital, I totally didn't read my care instructions, swung by the fast food joint, scarfed down a hamburger and fries like grease was going out of style, and THEN read my "No food for 3 days."

Me. 0_o

Liquid diets suck. I kid you not, I went to bed last night thinking about grilled cheese sandwiches and woke up wanting an Outback Steak. Ugh. I've never wanted food more in my life. Like right now, all the damn food commercials on TV are killing me. KILLING ME!

But anyway, to the moral of the story. A diet of those things above are pretty much a recipe for disaster and potentially major organ failure, deadlines or not.
 In recap, I've learned three things this week:

1. Popcorn is the devil
2. Your body does tell you when something is wrong. Listen to it.
3. An all liquid diet sucks monkey butt

And in closing, some bookish stuff:

1. I have a lot of 1st edition Pure copies that I'm going to hold a contest for. At this point, I'm not sure if these contests will be international. Mainly because shipping is insanely expensive, I can't do prepaid priority envelopes, and so many packages are getting lost due to address format errors. 

2. Speaking of which, when you do win a contest and I usually ship out prize w/in a week, if it is lost, I will NOT resend. I say this on the contests, and in some cases, I may resend, but guys, I can't keep resending stuff out. Come to find out, a few times people claimed they didn't receive something, they did. Also, the prizes are free to you, but not to me. So keep in mind, if something gets lost, it's sad but I will not resend. 

3. I'm going to have a special Onyx preorder swag package them coming soon. It will contain swag from the series that won't be available anywhere else, so keep an eye out for that. 

4. A lot of people have been asking about additional Onyx content like Daemon POV. At this time, and this may change, there is no plans for additional content. Also, the additional content in each version of Obsidian (old one and re-release) will only be available in those editions. Eventually, some time down the road, they'll be added to my website. 

5. And if you've read this far, congrats! I think, don't hold me to it, that Fresh Fiction will have interview with me on the blog tomorrow AND a Onyx teaser you don't want to miss.